廢墟與靈光：鍾文音「母病三部曲」──《捨不得不見妳》、《別送》、《訣離記》探析

Finding Aura in the Ruins: An analysis of Wen-Yin Chung’s Mother’s Illness Trilogy

鍾文音著作甚豐，小說短篇、長篇兼有之。2016年初，其母突然中風倒下，自此，習慣遠遊的她回到母親身邊，開啟長照歲月。鍾母於2023年病逝，鍾文音自言這七年時光完成「母病三部曲」─散文《捨不得不見妳》、小說《別送》及札記《訣離記》。三書書寫策略各異，以有形的病體，運用不同形式，不斷挖掘與反思生命及情感本質，頗有佛家白骨觀的本領。以不淨寫淨、求淨，讓三書不同於其他照護書寫、疾病書寫或親情家族書寫。雖鍾文音本擅長寫情愛情感，擅長男女浮世繪，但透過「母病」主題使此特色更彰顯，亦有自療的味道。與其說是度母救母，更像是自度。就像作家自言，過去雖寫死亡，但從未認真正視，或未如此深刻。以長照、送行主題來看，在老病死中也看見自己的衰老，學習正視無畏生命必然，是難得之處，也是現代高齡子女要面對的課題。一般超度過程，為亡者誦唸《阿彌陀經》時引見的是金沙布地七彩繽紛的景象，鍾文音則鋪展愛染苦難的圖景。修行在人間。有過深愛，才能無礙。「廢墟」是窩居之地，是母親病體，卻也在無常的考驗中獲得「靈光」，從佛身到人生。從「捨不得」、「別送」到「訣離」，是照顧日子的推進，心境上的調適及自度，形式上的變化，亦值得細究。

Wen-Yin Chung is a prolific writer whose works traverse various genres, from prose, short stories, novella to novel. In 2016, Chung’s mother suffered a stroke and had become ill ever since. Chung, who used to be a frequent traveler, was forced to return and embarked on a years-long journey as caretaker till her mother passed away in 2023. This paper explores caregiving, illness narrative and religious consciousness in Wen-yin Chung’s“Mother’s Illness Trilogy”. The trilogy includes the collection of essays I Can’t Bear not to See You, the novel Farewell, and the memoir Miss Mother Forever, all of which were written during the time the author took care of her sick mother. In the trilogy, Chung ruminates the truth about life and human affections to address her mother’s illness by employing different writing strategies. Death is not a topic Chung never touched upon before, but she never scrutinized it with such profound respect. Writing the trilogy serves as an act of therapeutic self-care. The author learned about aging and mortality by exploring such critical issues as long-term care and end of life, especially for middle-aged children with elderly parents nowadays. On the other hand, religious consciousness in the trilogy distinguishes itself from other existing narratives of caregiving, illness and kinship. I argue that the way the author tackles her mother’s death resembles the practice of“white skeleton meditation”in Buddhism. In the Buddhist funeral service, the recitation of Infinite Life Sutra (Sukhāvatīvyūha Sūtra) often invokes a colorful scene with a golden pond in the transition of life, but surprisingly, Chung envisions ruins of suffering and pain. She creates ruins that symbolize the author’s dwelling and the mother’s sick body. She sees both darkness and aura in the ruins. The trilogy chronicles the unbearable weight of death, the mourning of the dead, and how the author seeks inner peace as days go by. Transcendence and revelation only comes with unconditional love.