我可能不夠女性主義：女性主義認同與實踐的敘事建構

Maybe I'm Not a Qualified Feminist': Narrative Construction of Feminism Identity and Practice

在大學中受過女性主義訓練，進入媒體工作的女性主義者們，當她們在敘說自己實踐女性主義的經歷時，大多吐露一種自己不夠女性主義的焦慮，這種焦慮集合起來便形成一個公共議題：是什麼因素引起此一致的歉意？本文從敘事研究的角度，透過將道歉敘事放置在它所鑲嵌的女性主義社群，探討社群文化框架中的敘事典範和主流情節輪廓如何滲透進這些敘說者的生命經驗，使她們以框架中蘊含的價值、成就和道德義務來組織和詮釋生命中的事件，因而認知到自己行動與理想典範間的差距，並將此差距詮釋為一種反責自我的歉疚。透 過這樣的討論，道歉敘事不再只是個人實踐行動後的自省，而更深化為一種文化框架的再生產過程，讓我們看到個人敘事與更大的文化結構間的交織作用，並且使此歉意超越個人煩惱的層次，成為女性主義發展的公共議題。

Having received feminist education in university, feminists who have become media workers tend to reveal an anxiety— 'maybe I'm not a qualified feminist'— when narrating their feminist practice experience in the workplace. When these anxieties gather together, they become a public issue and attract attention to the causes of their collective apology. Using the narrative approach, the author puts these apologetic narratives into the context of the feminist community to explore how the narrative exemplars and popular plot outline of feminism culture frameworks penetrate the narrators' life experiences, and lead them to organize and interpret life events with values, achievement, and moral responsibility embedded in the frameworks. In this case, narrators often perceive a gap between ideal models and their actions, and interpret the gap as their fault for which they should apologize. The author concludes that apologetic narratives are not only self-reflections, but also represent a deeper reproduction process of culture frameworks in which personal narratives interact with a larger cultural structure, going beyond personal troubles to public issues.