虛虛實實之間：婆媳關係的和諧化歷程與轉化機制

From Superficiality to Genuineness:Harmonization Processes and Transformation Mechanisms between Mothers- and Daughters-in-Law

過去有關婆媳關係的研究常以婆媳衝突為切入點，著墨於靜態的婆媳衝突因素與化解方式。本研究則以婆媳和諧為觀照，考量婆媳的互動歷程與關係轉變的動態性，並以黃莉於1999 年的「人際和諧與衝突動態模式」作為理論視角，找出婆媳關係的和諧化歷程與機制。本研究以半結構式的訪談大綱進行深度訪談，考量理論飽和原則，最後以19 筆敘說資料作為分析素材。研究結果顯示：婆媳在婚後初期，會以「維持表面和諧，避免外顯衝突」為互動的首要考量；其後，應盡之義的有無將使婆媳關係分化為朝向實性和諧關係與朝向虛性和諧關係兩條路徑。實性和諧的和諧化歷程與轉化機制為：(1)在維持住表面和諧後，婆媳雙方如能添加「應盡之義」，將形成實性和諧的關係；(2)形成實性和諧關係後，雙方若能在人情往來中加入「真誠之情」，再加上內隱衝突的轉化機制，則實性和諧將得以持續維持；(3)其後如能使用「鬆動婆媳名分角色」的互動方式，則婆媳的實性關係將得以深化。反之，婆媳雙方若未能在表面和諧中添加「應盡之義」（應盡之情與應盡之責），而後又採取區隔或疏離方式來避免互動，將因缺乏內隱衝突的轉化時機，使得婆媳關係長期停滯於虛性和諧中；此時，如果又夾雜外顯衝突，引發新仇舊恨，捲入第三者，關係將愈來愈惡化。本研究除了將婆媳衝突視為「動態歷程」外，並強調「內隱衝突」的轉化機制才是婆媳關係良好與否的重要關鍵，同時指出婆媳關係的「虛實性和諧」為調節外顯衝突的重要因素。因此，為了形成良好的婆媳關係，實性和諧的維持與深化機制，以及虛性和諧的轉化機制應該比外顯衝突的避免更重要。

Previous studies on the relation between mothers- and daughters-in-law emphasized relational conflict and used static models to identify sources of conflict. They concluded there is no way to improve negative relations and neglected either the dynamic process of relational transformation or the dyadic interaction. This study used the dynamic model of interpersonal harmony and conflict to explore the constructive harmonization process and conflict transformation mechanisms between mothers- and daughters-in-law. Analysis of interviews conducted with 8 mothers-in-law and 11 daughters-in law (not paired) revealed 2 possible courses of relational transformation. All participants maintained relational harmony early in the relationship, hiding discomfort out of fear of face-to-face conflict. In the second stage, if mutual obligations as daughter- and mother-in-law were fulfilled, their relationship became one of genuine harmony (GH), meaning that outer behavior matched hidden emotions. However, if mutual obligations were ignored, their relations were characterized by superficial harmony (SH), meaning outer behavior did not match hidden emotions related to conflict. Three phases of GH were identified: GH forms as each fulfills role obligations and affection (chin-yi), GH develops as genuine instead of obligatory affection is expressed and the negative emotion resulting from hidden conflict transforms to positive emotion and cognition, and GH is reinforced as drop their role obligations under the Chinese patriarchal hierarchy and no longer fear face-to-face conflict. Three phases of SH were identified: SH is maintained when obligatory role affection is ignored, SH becomes fixed if role obligations are not fulfilled, and SH becomes outright conflict frequently involving other family members. For both types of harmony the 3 phases differed according to the intensity of the relationship and progress of time. Interpersonal conflict between mothers- and daughters-in-law is a dynamic process. The mechanism for transforming hidden conflict into positive relations is the key to improving the relationship. Developing and reinforcing GH supports positive relationships between mothers- and daughters-in-law better than avoiding face-to-face conflict.