與之共老的酷兒情感倫理實作：老T搬家四探

Queer Ethics of Aging Together: ＂Moving House＂, Fourth Visit

本文為「老T搬家」系列論文的第四輯。在此系列首文〈老T搬家〉中，我藉由「老T」（或「uncles」）報導人的醫療和租屋經驗，以分析台灣社會的社會福利分配制度，如何緊密鑲嵌於既存的異性戀家戶邏輯之中，故而在拒斥中老年女同志的文化公民身分之時，也間接地對他們造成了生存物質條件的相對性排除效應。在〈老T搬家續探〉中，我藉由晚近十年這些報導人的往生送死的情感表述和公開儀式的展演，以探討他們如何同時兼顧且衡量原生家庭和「圈內」友誼關係對於自身的意義，並據此進行雙邊倫理實作。延續我對於另類酷兒倫理的關懷，〈老T搬家三探〉比較分別在1960年代末期和1990年代初期「出道」的兩代「T」報導人的生命經驗，以金錢和禮物授受與親密關係之建立的互動關係為切入主題，試圖探究整體社會的政經結構變化，可以如何直接或間接地形塑此二世代女同志對於廣義親密關係的衡量模式。本文延續〈老T搬家三探〉兩個世代報導人的生命史研究，藉由出神與死亡的非凡感知體驗，以分析貌似現在完成進行式的「老了」這個自我敘事關鍵詞的潛在可能性，並討論希望與照顧的酷兒意義。

This article is the fourth installment of the ＂Moving House＂ series. The first piece of the series examined how Taiwan's social welfare devices, in particular those regarding housing and medical care, discriminate implicitly against older lesbian tomboys owing to their deep entrenchment in the social logic of the heteronormative household. It was followed by the second installment that addresses issues of negotiating ＂in-circle＂ friendships in the face of heterosexual birth family members. The third piece of the series tracked queer ethics practiced by two generations of lesbian tomboys, with a particular focus on how to give and receive gifts in intimate relationships. With a continuing interest in exploring notions of intimate ethics, this fourth piece analyzes the extraordinary experience of mental engagement with, and witnessing the dying of, the loved one, as experienced by the two generations of informants. It examines also the potentiality of the present perfect progressive tense of ＂having been old＂ - an expression lesbian tomboys have fairly often utilized in intimate discussion with each other. It concludes with a discussion of the possibility of queer caregiving with hope.