那些年，我們一起追的女孩、男孩──兩位自閉症譜系青少年的追愛歷程之敘事探究

Those Years, You Are the Apple of My Eyes─A Narrative Research on the Love Process of Two Adolescents with Autism Spectrum Disorder

本研究旨在敘探兩位不同性取向自閉症譜系青少年的追愛歷程，含戀愛動機、追求技巧、愛情觀及其歷程脈絡。本研究採敘事探究，透過半結構訪綱與深度訪談蒐集資料並持續閱析文本，以敘寫兩位研究主體的那些年追愛故事。研究結果揭示：單戀哥共四段追愛女孩。他著重顏值及其散發的吸引力，初見好感才有後續可能。追求偏自然建立關係，當暖男伴她左右、送上所需。愛情類型趨友誼式的日久生情，然偏安全保守，愈長大愈難告白。以簡單不多想方式看自身障礙。愛情觀是不強求也不將就、專情包容、愛是簡單喜歡。外交哥共四段追愛男孩。第一段想有人陪；第二段想照顧未社會化的他；第三段渴望被照顧；第四段因對方成熟而值得攜伴，共通點是像男孩的男人。講究主動追求，狂找搭聊、送禮告白。愛情類型為多樣貌：遊戲、奉獻、瘋狂及穩定。曾視自閉症為詛咒，不懂愛裡的應對分際，後認它是麻木禮物。其性向歷經懷疑覺察、測試探索、壓抑混亂及接受認同。愛情觀重點是喜歡而非性別，愛是不可或缺但非全部。兩位研究對象各有擇友偏好、也曾陷入障礙再調適走出、因愛緩解障礙及舉止皆獨有理性思維，亦有全然不同的追愛類型與告白進程。其展現各自課題：單戀哥是「為愛跨越自我舒適圈」，原木訥自我，後溫暖付出。外交哥是「為愛調整步調與性向認同」，曾愛得用力卻無能為力，後調整過激行為和想法，勇於接納同性戀的自己。建議教育人員應重視自閉症譜系者的愛情體驗與其問題，並融入特殊需求課程，協其成長。

Purpose: This study explored and analyzed the pursuit of love by two adolescents with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) who had different sexual orientations. Aspects of the process, including motivation for love, pursuit skills, concept of love, and changes in the process, were assessed. Methods: This study adopted the narrative research method by employing in-depth and semistructured interviews. Data were collected and subsequently analyzed, and the love stories of the two research subjects were examined. Results/ Findings: The study results revealed that Mr. Unrequited had a total of four love stories concerning a girl. He focused on the girl's looks and attractiveness. He became aware of the possibility of being in love when he felt good upon laying his eyes on the girl for the first time. When he pursued the girl, he tended to build a relationship through natural processes. He would observe the girl and wait to chat with her. In addition, he would act affectionately with her and gifts her presents. He was inclined toward loving the girl like a good friend. He pursued love in a secure and conservative manner, and the more his love developed, the more difficult he found confessing to it. He would adjust to the love process through the simple method of not thinking too much about his ASD. "No insistence and no settlement" was his concept of love, and he was willing to treat the other person with sympathy and tolerance. He believes that love between two individuals who like each other should be simple. Mr. Social had pursued love four times, and was attracted toward men. In his first romantic relationship, he wanted a companion. In the second one, his partner was innocent and had not been socialized, which evoked Mr. Social's instinct to take care of him. In contrast to his second relationship, he longed to be cared for by the other in this third one. In his fourth relationship, he found the other party to be mature and considered being in a relationship with him worthwhile. The common feature among all his lovers was that they were all men who looked or acted like boys. Mr. Social actively pursued love by constantly looking for and chatting with men who interested him. In addition, he gave gifts and directly confessed his love. His style of pursuing love with different people was diverse—from ignorantly "having fun" in the beginning and simple dedication, passion, and madness to long-term stability. Owing to his ASD, he did not know how to address love in the beginning and, later, felt numb toward love. His process of sexual self-identification had four stages, namely doubt/awareness, test/exploration, suppression/confusion, and acceptance/identification. His concept of love was focused on liking somebody, and their gender was incidental. Furthermore, although he perceived love as indispensable, he did not think of it as the only thing that mattered in life. An analysis of the similarities and differences between the pursuits of love by the two participants revealed that in terms of similarities, they both showed implicit preference toward the conditions of their lovers. Furthermore, they both suffered from ASD but learned to re-adapt themselves. Love was also found to alleviate the symptoms of ASD. Their behaviors when in love highlighted their unique rational thinking. In terms of differences, they demonstrated completely different styles for pursuing and confessing love. Conclusions/ Implications: Each of the participants followed different processes in their respective pursuits of love; for example, Mr. Unrequited "crossed the comfort zone for love." He was originally dull but later showed his active and gentle side and learned to give and care for others. Mr. Social "adjusted the pace and identified his sexual identity." At the beginning, he loved deeply and was helpless. Later, he slowed down and reviewed his excessive behaviors and negative thinking and bravely accepted his homosexual self. We recommend that educators should be aware of the love experiences of those diagnosed with ASD and the problems they face. Furthermore, the courses in the special needs domain must integrate the process of love in the curriculum to help individuals with ASD identify themselves.