無聲勝有聲?!──「不理」在青春期友誼中的意涵與歷程

Silence speaks more than words?! ──Ignoring in adolescent friendship

本研究旨在探討青春期好友關係中「不理」的意涵與歷程。本研究跳脫過去文獻將「不理」視為關係攻擊的觀點，而以華人文化下之「人際和諧與衝突動態模式」為理論架構，於關係脈絡下重新理解友誼間的「不理」經驗。研究方式為深度訪談 名青年參與者，年齡 - 歲，女性 位，男性 位，蒐集其青春期「不理」經驗之質性資料，共 筆。研究結果顯示，「不理」的歷程包含不理的蘊釀、關係停滯及關係轉化三階段，展現人我距離的拿捏與練習。首先，青春期好友間有了不和之後，顧全大局之下，主動方以「不理」行為讓被動方意識到其不滿，而使內隱衝突浮上檯面。接著，看似無互動的不理，實則是主動方促使關係改變的方式，雖然促使雙方從虛性和諧轉成實性和諧的機會固然存在，但大多時候雙方關係是越來越淡化。最後，由於青春期友誼具情感依附性，即使雙方實際互動已形同陌路，心裡卻不輕易認定關係已終結。「不理」的經驗可能重複於其他人際關係中，也可能給個人帶來成長的契機。這些結果均顯示，「不理」於友誼中不一定導致負面的效應。

This study aimed to explore the meaning and process of ignoring in adolescent friendship with adopting “the dynamic model of interpersonal harmony and conflict” grounded on Chinese cultural context rather than relational aggression viewpoint. Thirteen participants (13-29years; 11females, 3males) were in¬terviewed to gather data on their past ignoring experiences. According the model, Chinese people who place importance on the relationship can not easily confront it but rather let the conflict become implicit. Instead of damaging the relationship directly, ignoring the target is one way of coping with interpersonal conflict. Ignoring passes on an unsatisfied feeling silently. The results showed that the ignoring process was a practice of how to balance the I-Thou psychological distance. If there was a chance to communi¬cate clearly and express each other’s value in the relationship, the resulting relationship entered into gen¬uine harmony. Even after the contact between friends ceased to exist, these people did not easily accept or become aware of the end of the relationship. Findings of the study suggest that the results after ignor¬ing are not all negative. However, from the viewpoint of relational aggression, positive results cannot be found.