在路上，我寫作－－從陳玉慧日記體散文與小說的互文探索女作家的自我凝視與寫作辯證

I Write While I Am on the Road－Self Reflection and the Dialectic of Writing in Jade Y. Chen's Diary-style Prose and Novels

具有多重身分的陳玉慧，其散文和小說中常可見一個行走「在路上」的身影，然路途所見之景，並非對外在事物和特別景點的描述，而多半是對自我觀照，因此《你是否愛過》和《巴伐利亞的藍光》兩本日記體所呈現的空間多半是等待的空間，時間則具有個人化的、夢境般的特質，此二者皆強化了陳玉慧向內觀照自我的傾向。再者，讓她行走在路上的原點來自於離家，自覺到處無家卻也到處為家的根源可追溯至與父母親的疏離關係，無論是兩本日記體散文還是長篇小說《海神家族》，皆回應了這種淡漠卻又渴愛的關係。藉由書寫家族，陳玉慧為家族創傷記憶和個人凝視找到了正向的價值，並暗示寫作替她帶來重生，因此最後藉小說《書迷》由迷宮和謎題意象直指的寫作辯證，探索陳玉慧散文中的寫作觀。由是，本文藉由兩本日記體散文和小說《海神家族》與《書迷》之對照，看陳玉慧的自我凝視和寫作辯證。

A writer with multiple identities, Jade Y. Chen writes prose and novels that constantly represent a lone person who travels most of the time. The scenes on the raod are no mere depictions of landscapes or happenings but reflections of Jade Y. Chen's inner self. In Have You Ever Been in Love? and Blue Lights in Freistaat Bayern, space is often the space of waiting, and time personal and dream-like, both of which enhance the tendency of self reflection in these diary-style pieces. In the case of Chen, to be on the road is to get away from home. The feeling of being homeless is at the same time that of being home everywhere, a paradox originating in her alienated relationship with parents. The two books mentioned above, together with another book, Mazu's Bodyguards, are suffused with a sense of indifference and yearning for love. By way of writing on her family, Jade Y. Chen nevertheless finds things positive in past traumas and in her constant self-gazing. Writing thus implies a rebirth for Chen, and, for that, this article finally turns to her yet another book, The Stalker, to explore Chen's concept and strategy of writing, specifically in her uses of the images of labyrinths and puzzles. In all, the article provides an intertextual study of Jade Y. Chen's four books to represent the complex relation between her self-gazing and her dialectic of writing.