婆媳過招為哪樁？：婆婆、媳婦與兒子（丈夫）三角關係的探討

Intergenerational Interaction between Mothers-and Daughters-in-law︰A Qualitative Study

姻親關係常是影響婚姻穩定與品質好壞的重要因素。在許多姻親關係中，又以婆媳之間問題最多，此種現象中外皆然。台灣過去有關婆媳關係的探討多侷限在家庭結構、社會結構的改變對婆媳相對地位之影響，或是檢驗婆媳關係好壞對其他生活面向的影響，但從人際互動層面去探索哪些因素會影響婆媳關係的研究卻付之闕如。此外，在過去研究中婆媳問題多被視為純粹兩個女人的問題來討論，卻不見有研究針對夾在這兩個女人中間的人物—婆婆之子（媳婦之夫）作詳細分析以找出其對婆媳關係具有何種影響力。作者根據台灣北部地區（台北縣市，桃園縣市，基隆地區）十八對來自中產階級家庭的婆媳所作的深度訪談（NSC 87-2412-H-128-002）（1）發現，對媳婦而言，婆婆過度干涉子女的教養，是最令他們困擾的問題；侵犯個人隱私亦令人難以忍受；婆婆的對待方式表裡不一或偏袒自己的子女更教媳婦心有不平，此外，干預媳婦與娘家接觸、強權主導家人生活或思考方式停頓在過去的婆婆也引起媳婦強烈反彈。而另一方面，最常造成婆婆對媳婦產生不滿的事情包括：現在的媳婦對待公婆比不上從前；媳婦花錢太浪費；懶惰、帶小孩不用心、家務處理不好或完全不做；飲食習慣的差異及口味不合等。訪談資料亦顯示媳婦之夫（婆婆之子）在婆媳關係中扮演了關鍵性的橋樑角色。在所有受訪家戶中，婆媳關係良好是經過媳婦之夫盡力做好溝通雙方的工作方得以形成。反之，婆媳關係不良的家庭中，媳婦之夫通常是以逃避、事不關己的態度面對，因而形成婆媳誤會愈來愈多，成見愈來愈深的僵局。若以母親、妻子比擬為天秤兩端，兒子（丈夫）在這兩端所放的份量決定了婆媳關係中誰是比較佔優勢的一方。

This research tries to sort out the reasons why mothers-and their daughters-in-law fight against each other, and how they face and deal with conflicts and tensions. In addition, another focus is to find out what role husbands of daughters-in-law play when they are confronted with the in-law problems. The data are based on in-depth interviews with mothers, and their daughters-in-law coming from 18 middle-class families located in Northern Taiwan area. Interviews with husbands of the daughters-in-law are also included. Results show that conflicts occur when mothers- and daughters-in-law share different values in everyday lives due to generation gap and different family background. However, relationship between mothers- and daughters-in-law are not inevitably problematic. To ease the tension and possible conflicts depends not only on the endeavor from both women, but also from the critical key person-husbands of daughters-in-law.