欲說還休，欲說還休：從辯證觀看華人成年初期的子女對父母的自我揭露

More Than I Can Say:Disclosure to Parents in Taiwanese-Chinese Early Adults—A Dialectical Perspective

本研究是探討現今華人子女對父母自我揭露的情形。研究者訪談17 位介於青少年晚期與成年前期的子女，以瞭解孩子在哪些事情上對父母的自我揭露有困難及掙扎，以及最終說出口的關鍵。研究發現，受訪者在「難以言喻的禁忌話題」、「難以啟口的成長挫折」、「難以訴說的深刻情感」與「不得不說的子女義務」等主題有對父母自我揭露的困難。他們的掙扎包括：（1）基於子女角色義務，不想說但不得不說；（2）角色規範限制情感表達，想說卻說不出口；（3）相依的牽掛，想說卻不能說；（4）獨立與依賴的掙扎，想說又不願說。最終向父母自我揭露的關鍵是：（1）基於義務，不得不說；（2）安心分享，無須懼怕；（3）情緒衝擊，脫口而出；（4）為求認同，勇敢現身；（5）長大成人，朋友相待。歸納起來，華人子女想對父母自我揭露時，大多是採取「隱而不說」和「沈默不表」，或是「迂迴逃避」和「陽奉陰違」。原因可分成三大類，一是不善或不慣表達；二是害怕或擔心父母的反應，例如，尷尬、碰避、或衝突；三是長大成人，為了「證明長大」或是想「安父母心」。華人子女在順從與自主的矛盾以及義務與親密的糾結下，經過依賴和獨立的相互辯證，發展出具華人特色的親子溝通方式。

This study aimed to explore children’s self-disclosure to parents in Chinese culture. 17 early adults were interviewed to collect data regarding difficult self-disclosure topics, struggles, and key factors that led to eventual disclosure. Qualitative data analysis indicated that among the difficult self-disclosure topics were “societal taboos,” “frustration during maturation,” “heartfelt affection,” and “issues that compelled disclosure, however reluctant the child.” Data showed that the common struggles early adults experience include: 1) struggles of obligation to disclose due to role as child, precipitated by fear of parents’ intolerance and hostility; 2) struggles of inability to disclose due to nature of Chinese parent-child relationship norms, characterized by a conflict between deep affection and familial hierarchy power dynamics; 3) struggles to disclose for fear of parental concerns; and 4) struggles between dependence and autonomy, which include fears of being viewed as immature by parents. Key factors that led to eventual self-disclosure included: 1) obligation to inform; 2) feeling of security; 3) emotional outbursts; 4) seeking of autonomous identity, and 5) transformation of parent-child relationship into one more resembling friendship. In general, when Chinese children were compelled to self-disclose, the most common responses were to remain silent, feign compliance, speak indirectly, or to simply avoid the issue. The reasons for such responses were classified into three categories: Early adults were either 1) unused to or unable of self-expression; 2) afraid of their parents’ reactions; or 3) demonstrating maturity by “not worrying their parents.” As a whole, analyses showed that Chinese children develop a unique style of parent-child communication that results from ongoing dialectics between dependence and independence, from which inner conflicts of obedience and autonomy as well as responsibility and intimacy are constantly at work.