從告白到對話：《我和我的T媽媽》和《日常對話》的倫理轉向

From Confession to Dialogue: The Ethical Transformation in The Priestess Walks Alone and Small Talk

本文探討同志家庭中的家人關係再現，從黃惠偵紀錄片中再現的母女關係探究影片呈現的倫理意涵。藉由Levinas式的倫理評論，本文檢視紀錄片如何提問人／我關係，以及關係產生的方式與效應，將黃的兩部紀錄片《我和我的T媽媽》（2016）及《日常對話》（2016）置於台灣同志紀錄片歷史，來分析比較兩部影片使用不同的第一人稱告白形式、敘事結構、對話內容及反思性的電影語言，得以發現兩片觀點的變化所蘊涵的認識論轉變。本文主張這兩部影片雖然都呈現導演觀點，卻各自賦予母女關係不同的詮釋，顯示對母女關係的認識差異：短片《我和我的T媽媽》用封閉式的敘事結構與告白形式，以母女和解描繪親情的總體性存在，對母女關係的認識失於導演的自我中心主義；長片《日常對話》則鬆動敘事結構，觀點趨向於肯認朝向他者（other-oriented）的關係性存有。兩片由此產生導演自我認識與建構主體的不同企圖與途徑。本文進一步發現，先前同志運動紀錄片作為一種「抗爭的場域」，討論議題環繞同志形象的「可見性」，而黃的兩部影片則著重討論家人間的「關係性」，紀錄片成為拍攝者與被拍攝者心靈「相遇的場域」。兩部影片的觀點改變映照Levinas對關係性存有的強調，擁抱一種持續對話與關懷、互為主體的他者倫理。 This paper explores ethical issues raised by two documentary films: The Priestess Walks Alone (2016) and Small Talk (2016), both made by director Hui-chen Huang. In a comparison of the two films, I analyze how each deploys a first-person confessional mode, narrative structure, mother-daughter dialogue, and reflective film language to generate different perspectives on and different interpretations of the central mother-daughter relationship. By situating the two films within the historical context of Taiwanese gay-themed documentary films, this paper scrutinizes the changing effect of 'first-person autobiography' films. It also compares the ethical issues portrayed in Huang's two films with those raised in previous Taiwanese gay-themed documentary films. This paper uses a form of ethical critique inspired by Levinas to interrogate the significance of the Self-Other relationship represented by the films. The paper finds that while both of these films represent Huang's perspectives through new ways of organizing reality, they each interpret mother-daughter relationship differently. This paper argues that Huang's films propose a new direction for gay-themed films: documentary is no longer a 'site of resistance' but a 'site of encounter,' where documentary filmmaking is used to construct and negotiate relationships. Although Huang's films are not always successful, they aim to rewrite the mother-daughter relationship in the process of filmmaking. Switching from the short film to the long version, the point of view of each film changes from an outward-projecting ego-centricism to an other-oriented relational perspective, thus creating different relationships between self and other. From confession to dialogue, from visibility to relationality, the change in viewpoints suggests an ethical transformation in Taiwan queer documentary filmmaking history, an understanding of self which embraces a face-to-face, ever-interactive, ever-constructing intersubjectivity.