愛滋病毒、派對藥物與酷兒壞情感：《愛我就趁夏天》的「毒／藥」政治

HIV, Party Drugs and Queer Feelings:The Cultural Politics of Pharmakon (毒／藥) in Popular Taiwanese Gay Novels

本文嘗試在男同志性藥／派對場景轉變、愛滋治理模式移轉，以及男同志藥物文學再現性藥文化興起的脈絡裡，討論描述台灣男同志性藥／派對的通俗文學作品《愛我就趁夏天》，分析小說所再現的性藥／派對場景、藥物消費經驗和主體情感狀態，探勘另類愉悅／逾越的酷兒政治能量。同時，本文也將並置閱讀批踢踢同志性板的網路文章《HIV教我的事》，論證這篇文章在當前的「公衛－－司法－－道德」論述底下，如何被「示眾權力」（exemplary power）馴服為愛滋感染者用藥濫交的警世劇碼，運作「以儆效尤」的象徵效應，生產實質懲戒的悔罪力道，成為道德訓化的楷模典範。透過脈絡化細讀，本文認為《HIV教我的事》成為「示眾權力」的運作對象，用以傳遞殺雞儆猴的訊息，而《愛我就趁夏天》則展現Jacques Derrida所闡釋Pharmakon概念中，那種幽微複雜的矛盾辯證性，其將可能撐開男同志用藥感染者的另類生存力場，成為一則挑釁、侵蝕同性戀正典（homonormativity）的壞範例（bad exemplar），其中也隱含思索男同志社群性倫理與倫理性的可能。本文以Sara Ahmed所提議酷兒哀悼的倫理與政治在於如何哀悼，將之讀為哀悼之書，讓那未能與不能哀悼的哀悼能被哀悼，分享那已逝去的、交織著靈光與黯黑的性藥／派對時代、以及愛滋感染的苦難與失落的哀悼故事。

Contextualizing the landscape of gay-sex-drug-parties, the transformation of mode of AIDS governance, and the rise of Taiwanese gay-sex-drug popular novels, I attempt to analyze one online article and one novel which represent queer experiences and feelings about gay-sex-drug-parties, so as to explore the queer politics of alternative pleasures and transgressions. I argue that on one hand, under the present discourse of 'public health—jurisdiction—morality,' the online article is employed by 'exemplary power,' raised by Kane Race, to warn HIV positive homosexuals about drug abuse, and to deliver a message of vigilance, penitence and a good model of disciplined morality. On the other hand, the novel illustrates the ambiguity and dialectic suggested by Jacques Derrida's 'Pharmakon' to unfold a survival space for HIV positive gay drug users, and to establish a bad exemplar to stir and erode homonormativity, where a reflection on the ethnics of gay community can be cultivated. I read the novel in the lens of Sara Ahmed's 'queer grief,' who suggests that the ethics and politics of queer grief concern how the queer subjects grieve the ungrievable. By reading these grieving narratives, those not allowed to mourn can grieve queerly, and that the aura and darkness, the lost age of sex-drug-party, and those excluded stories of AIDS suffering and loss can thus be shared.