「出走」與「走出」：從困頓於代課教師到走出一條自我實現的旅程

“Exit” and ”Entrance”: An Exhausted Substitute Teacher's Journey through Self-Realization

這是一部人生的戲，所展演的是一個關於「我」的戲碼，關於一個諮商師在專業學習的歷程中，從困頓於代課教師角色中出發，透過自我敘說與行動探究，重新建構自己的生命意義，以敘說典範與社會脈絡的觀點建構出一個主體的自我樣貌。同時採取行動研究的精神在行動中認識「生命選擇」、「專業發展」、「社會探究」三者合一的關係，進而發展出個人的生存美學，最後透過哲學的詮釋學與辨證觀點來探討生命的智慧，並帶著人文關懷再度返回教育現場，朝向自我實現的旅程。既是主角也是導演的我，歷經這三年來，總是無法預定下一幕的戲要走向哪邊，這正如人生實際的現況，我總是在邊上演的同時去摸索下一步的路徑，戲的劇情正呈現我所走過的生命歷程，縱使是走到故事結束該落幕的那一刻，並非代表著對生命的探究即將完成，而是走向另一個生命藍圖的行動。

This is a play about my life, a counselor-to-be once trapped in the position of a substitute teacher during the course of professional development. Through self-narrative and action inquiry, the meaning of my life was rebuilt, as an autonomous self was constructed from a narrative paradigm and social context. Utilizing action research, I gradually understood the relationships among “life choice,” “professional development,” and “social inquiry.” The beauty of my existence was established in this reflective process, and the wisdom of life was explored through philosophical interpretations and dialectical views. With care and concern for humanity, I returned to the field of education once again, and thus, the journey toward self-actualization began. During the past 3 years, both as the director and leading actress, I was unable to predict the direction toward which the next scene would take place. This was a reflection of the reality of life. I always planned for the next step as the show continued, thus the plots of the act reflected the life that I had lived through. Even when the performance comes to an end, it does not signify that the exploration of life is complete. Instead, it is a movement toward the beginning of another life blueprint.