When Culture Meets Psyche: Understanding the Contextualized Self through the Life and Dreams of an Elderly Taiwanese Woman

做為一位探究人類發展過程的文化心理學者，筆者不時會被一個問題困擾：在個人、主觀、私密的心智活動中，文化究竟鄉哪裡呈現？這些年來，因為跨文化中心理學、本土心理學與文化心理學之蓬勃興趣，心理學界日益看重文化議題，接受心理現象的多元性，並重新檢視過往視為獨立個體的自我之定義。而晚近心理人類學家也益將個人心智納入文化，重視文化成員主觀的認知與生活經驗。雖然文化與自我的交互組成宛然已成共識，然而究竟我們在處理最主觀、私我的個人情感、思緒時，如何能由其中掌握集體共享的文化價值？又如何在歸納文化模式之際，不輕易抹去個人的自主性？因此本文企圖藉由瞭解一位老婦人所做的一連串夢的經驗與意義，試探我們究竟應當如何看待個人與文化之間相互交錯的關係。
阿嬤與筆者結識於多年前的一項幼兒社教化研究。為時兩年的參與觀察期接近尾聲時，筆者對父母們進行關於教養信念的訪談。由於阿嬤當時正值喪夫（第二任先生），她的女兒（即幼兒的母親）建議筆者不妨帶她外出散心、順便訪談。筆者照做了，不過阿嬤卻對筆者的提問沒有興趣，反倒引領筆者進入她的人生以及她的夢。那次訪談雖然「失敗」，卻讓筆者無法忘懷阿嬤的故事，因此在此後的十年間又持續聆聽，共計錄音訪談四次，取得近十二小時的資料。再次再見到阿嬤，她總是迫不及待地分享「新夢」，也重述多年前的「舊夢」。隨著時間，阿嬤更加開懷地暢談自己。
阿嬤（七十餘歲、虔誠基督徒、成長於南臺灣漁村，受過六年日本殖民時期小學教育）與青梅竹馬、父母雙亡、體弱多病而任小學教師的林先生有短暫的六年姻緣。在他二十九歲、阿嬤二十五歲時，林因病去世，留給她三名幼小的孩子。葬體上，阿嬤向林許諾會將孩子撫養長子。獨立辛苦撫養他們十三年之後，在子女相繼將入大學的經驗壓力之下，三十八歲時阿嬤改嫁外省軍人王先生。不同於林，王分擔家務、對阿嬤十分呵護，並努力協助改善家庭經濟。阿嬤的夢基本上可以分為兩類，一類與死亡有關：兩位前夫總是在臨終前後進入她的夢裡；另一類涉及遷徙，則幾乎完全屬於第一位丈夫：當阿嬤改嫁王時，為孩子入學之故即刻遷居臺北。就在他於新居開始夫妻生活的第一晚，林來到阿嬤夢中，之後，阿嬤遷徒數次，每次落腳新居的第一晚，林也總是出現於夢中。甚而在林往生四十五年之後，也依然在阿嬤遷入幼子家的第一晚來到夢裡。阿嬤每次夢見王，心情平靜。每次夢到林卻總是哀傷痛哭（除了最後遷入兒子家之外）。在二十四年的再婚生活中，阿嬤設法逃避與王先生有親密關係、也拒絕讓孩子改姓。阿嬤的孩子都接受了高等教育，在她六十壽辰時，她的努力終至獲得林家兄弟的尊敬。
阿嬤顯然並非記得她所有的夢;記得且複述的夢，也並非個個都具相同分量。不論是筆者的分析或四十位受訪者的解讀都顯示阿嬤的夢提供她在情感、道德與現實之間種種掙扎的處理空間。文化與自我相遇於個人在具體生活經驗中尋求意義與認同之際。被凸顯了的情緒與動機有文化痕跡可尋，而個人也在並存卻相衝的文化模式中擇取所需。這樣的動態互動延續著過去與現在、前世與來生，既主觀亦客觀、既集體亦個人。

Through examining the possible meaning of the private, subjective, and idiosyncratic experiences of an individual-a sequence of dreams that an elderly Taiwanese lady has had, this study asks where culture is and how we should place the self in relation to culture. A-ma, the grandmother of one focal child in my previous works on socialization practices with young children at home, unexpectedly shared her life and particularly her dreams about her two deceased husbands with me after having known me for two years. Her first husband, with whom she only had a six-year marital life, appeared to her in a dream 13 years after his death when she had just remarried and moved the family for the sake of their children’s schooling. He later revisited her on the very first night whenever and wherever she just moved to a new place, even 45 years after his death. This simple yet compelling dream seemed to have a profound consequence-she refused to have a sexual relationship with her second husband in their 24-year martial life. During my follow-up interviews with her in the past decade, the deeper I entered her inner world, the more I appreciate the inseparability of the self and culture. While the individual’s meaning making process inevitably involves intensive dialogues between the self and the powerful cultural models instantiated in concrete life experiences, theories of culture must also account for human agency that actively and selectively make use of cultural resources as well as constraints. Such a dynamic nature is at once subjective and objective, personal and collective.