從人與病的遭逢談自我轉化：女性經歷婦科疾病與治療歷程的自我敘事   全文下載

Self-transformation through Suffering from the Illness: A Narrative Research of a Woman Undergoing Gynecological Diseases and Treatment Process

對絕大多數人來說，罹病原就是一段身心靈都倍受煎熬的歷程。對罹患婦科疾病的女性而言，其於心理及社會文化意義上的受苦恐怕更超出一般。本研究立基於建構論觀點，採取敘事研究方法，以研究者自身罹患婦科疾病並反覆求醫的經驗敘說為主軸，並以研究者自身的罹病札記為原始文本，通過將自我敘說予以外化的歷程，進行多層次的剖析，描繪女性於罹患婦科疾病過程中的經驗及進入醫療場域的自我對話，並呈現病中受苦之超越與自我覺察，進而轉化重構自我生命的意義，穿透性別與權力，試圖還原人的本質。研究結果發現，疾病及其意義的複雜確實遠大於生理層次，而女性經歷相關不孕的婦科疾病更將經歷身心靈的受苦，遭遇文化與道德上的困境，以及自我認同的危機。甚且，在醫療場域當中隱含諸多性別刻板印象及醫病間形式上尊重然實則貶抑的傾斜權力結構，病患的自主自律行動遭受壓迫。而個體在此困頓中仍得以通過自我的對話主動尋回自我的意義，看似自我分化的同時其實是一種與自我存在和好並整全的歷程。

Being sick usually involves a process of physical, mental and spiritual suffering. Women undergoing gynecological diseases tend to experience much more serious suffering than most other sick people. This research is a narrative research based on constructivism. It aimed at exploring a woman’s life experiences and self dialogue through her illness and medical process. The research data were transcribed from researcher’s self-narration and analyzed from an externalized position. Some themes emerged from the analysis as the following. First of all, the meaning of illness is more complicated than disease, and a woman with illness related to infertility would experience suffering not only physically but also psychologically, even in the crisis of self identity. Secondly, gender and professional authority oppressed the autonomy of female patients. Finally, individual would still elevate self-transformation through self-dialogue, self-awareness and making harmony with an ontological self.